Why won't my toddler sit in the trolley?

Because sitting in a trolley is boring, and your toddler has just worked out they have opinions.

Most trolley refusal comes down to a few things. They want to be up where you are. They want to touch everything. They have been strapped into a car seat for fifteen minutes and now you want to strap them into another seat. Some toddlers also hate the metal trolley seat itself, which is cold, hard and slightly wobbly.

None of this is bad behaviour. It is a small person with big feelings and a very short attention span. That does not make it easier when there is a queue behind you, but it does change the fix.

Is it safe to let a toddler stand in the trolley?

No. Standing in the trolley or the main basket is one of the more common ways kids come off badly at the shops, because trolleys are top heavy and a toddler leaning over the edge shifts the balance fast.

Same goes for letting them ride on the outside of the trolley, or perch on the front bar. If your toddler will not use the seat properly, the safer answer is out of the trolley altogether, not halfway out of it.

What can I do instead of fighting the trolley?

Pick one and commit to it. Switching tactics mid aisle is how you end up negotiating with a two year old about grapes.

• Carry them for the first stretch. Many toddlers only need the first five minutes up high. Once they have seen the shop and settled, they will often go back in the trolley without a fight.
• Give them a job. Holding the list. Putting three apples in the bag. Passing you things. A toddler with a task is a toddler who is not trying to climb out.
• Use a smaller basket. If you only need six things, skip the trolley entirely and carry the basket.
• Split the shop. Two short trips a week are far easier than one enormous one with a toddler who peaked twenty minutes ago.
• Shop at a better hour. Straight after a nap or a snack is a different child to 4pm.

How do you carry a toddler and push a trolley at the same time?

Carefully, and usually badly. Most of us end up with the child hitched onto one hip, that hip pushed out to make a shelf, and one arm doing all the work while the other steers.

That position is where the strain builds. When you hitch your hip to hold a child, you tilt your pelvis, shorten one side of your body and load your lower back and shoulder unevenly. Do it once for a minute and you will not notice. Do it every second day for a year and you will.

A hip seat carrier changes the maths. The HipSurfer is a hipseat and bum bag in one. It sits on a wide, padded waistband with a firm seat that your child sits on, so their weight is designed to be redistributed across your hips rather than hanging off one arm and one shoulder. It goes on in about 15 seconds with no shoulder straps, which matters when your toddler wants up and down every four aisles.

Two honest notes. It is not hands free, so one arm always stays on your child. And it will not make a 15kg toddler weigh less. It just spreads that 15kg somewhere your body copes with better.

What actually helps at the supermarket with a toddler?

The unglamorous stuff, mostly.

• Feed them before you go. A hungry toddler in a food shop is a losing battle.
• Keep the list short and visible so you are not wandering.
• Bring something to hold. A banana, a set of keys they are allowed to have, a small toy.
• Say what is happening before it happens. "We are going to get bread, then bananas, then we are done."
• Have your carry option already on your body. Digging a carrier out of the boot while your toddler melts down helps nobody.

If your toddler is at the stage where they refuse the trolley and the pram, our guide to what to pack for a day out with a toddler covers the rest of the kit. And if the up and down is constant, the toddler carrier guide walks through when a hipseat makes more sense than a full carrier.

FAQ

At what age do toddlers start refusing the trolley?

Usually somewhere between 12 and 18 months, once they can pull to stand and have opinions about where they sit. It often gets louder around two and settles as they get closer to three and a half.

Can I use a hip seat carrier in a supermarket?

Yes. A hipseat is well suited to stop start carrying because it stays on your waist between carries and you are not clipping and unclipping shoulder straps. One arm supports your child at all times.

How much weight can a hip seat carrier hold?

The HipSurfer holds up to 25kg. Most parents find the 15kg to 20kg range is where a hipseat really earns its place, because that is the size where arm carrying stops being sustainable.

Is a hipseat better than a full carrier for quick errands?

For short, repeated carries, usually yes. A full carrier is better for long, continuous carrying where you want both hands. A hipseat is better for the 90 second carries that happen ten times in one shop.

What if my toddler wants to walk instead?

Let them, where it is safe. The point is having a fast way to pick them up when the walking stops, rather than carrying them unsupported for the rest of the trip.